Sephiroth's Revenge
by obsidians
Summary: Cloud and Tifa are married couple and want to have a baby and Sephiroth decides to help them whether they want him or not. Just an amusing one shot intended only for humour.


I don't own FF7 or its characters and make no profit writing these stories.

Cloud and Tifa Strife held hands while they spoke with the fertility specialist at the WRO medical clinic.

"You have lazy swimmers" he explained to Cloud. "That is why you haven't gotten pregnant."

"What can be done? We so want to start a family" Tifa said, clutching her husband's hand tighter and he patted her wrist for comfort.

"I recommend artificial insemination, that way you don't have to worry about them swimming up there; they are already there to do their job" the doctor explained. "You would have to make an appointment to make a donation a few days before Tifa's ovulating. The fresher the sperm; the better thr chance of it catching. Are you willing to Mr. Strife?"

Cloud put his arm around Tifa "I would do anything to make my wife happy. It'll be a little embarrassing, but I'm willing to try" he declared and she looked at him with worship in her eyes.

"You're the best husband ever" she said, flinging her arms around him and he smirked at the doctor in a way that suggested he was going to get lucky that night.

Cloud walked out of the room with his sample and was shocked when he ran directly into Sephiroth, who seemed equally as surprised. He noticed how he appeared to be wearing scrubs. "Well what have we here? Do you have a job here as a janitor or something?" he asked him. Sephiroth didn't consider him worth talking to, so he was silent as he examined the other man. Seriously, this was the hero that managed to thwart him so many times during his time of mental instability? Had Cloud even grown more than an inch since he was a sixteen year old grunt? Wow he was short! He thought dismissively.

"Welcome back General, or at least you were. How the mighty have fallen when your job is to clean up the masturbation rooms" he taunted him. "Had I realized you worked here, I would have made sure to leave a mess behind for you to clean up."

Sephiroth just glared back at him while he eyed his hair. What was with the cowlicks? Didn't the man own a hairbrush? He silently questioned himself.

"You know what, back in the day you were the one with the lofty position and all the power and now you are nothing. I own a thriving delivery business, I'm married and we're about to start a family. I win" he said in triumph. "Here, be a dear and give my sample to reception. There's a good boy. It's been so nice chatting with you" he said as he handed him the sample container and Sephiroth actually took it. He watched as the cocky man left with a spring in his step.

Sephiroth eyed the container in his hand and threw it into the garbage. He went into an empty "collections" room and locked the door and picked up an empty sterile cup and broke the seal on it. He didn't bother sitting on the chair, but fished himself out of his scrub pants and generously coated himself with lube. He wasn't one normally given to self gratification but figured his "sacrifice" was for a worthy cause.

He didn't bother looking at the magazines or bad porn tapes, he has an excellent visual memory. He thought back on a particularly spicy weekend in Costa Del Sol spent with "Leggy" Lola LeGroux, a Brazilian actress with a body made for sin, who was double jointed, had a photographic memory of the karma sutra and would cry "waffles" at the point of her orgasm. It had been a really good weekend.

He neatly sealed the cup and smoothed the sticker into place and jotted Cloud's information onto it that he had memorized in the few seconds he had looked at it. Taking it to reception, he turned it over to the nurse at the desk.

"I'm sorry, why isn't Mr. Strife giving this to me?" she asked him.

"He's busy with his thriving delivery business, so he asked me to. We're old friends" Sephiroth smoothly lied and left humming a happy tune.

Tifa and Cloud marveled as they held the tiny squirming body in the delivery room. "A boy, I hoped we would have a boy" he admitted because they had decided to be surprised by the sex of their baby.

"I'm sure he'll grow to be as brave and handsome as his father" Tifa said, gazing with love upon their new son. Then the newborn opened his eyes. "Cloud why does our son have solid green eyes with slit pupils...and the fringe of hair on his head looks to be drying more to a _silver_ colour then a blonde?" she asked him.

"Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Strife on the birth of your child" said a smiling Sephiroth as he stepped into the room carrying a gift basket that had bouquet of foil balloons attached to it and examined the baby. Both Tifa and Cloud blanched when they looked at his unusual eyes...and then their son's.

"What have you done?" Cloud cried in shock.

"I looked at your medical chart. Lazy swimmers huh? I thought I would do you a favour. My own sperm is very potent, my sperm count is significantly higher then a normal man. You're welcome. For your information, I don't work here. I was just meeting a colleague. I'm not a janitor, but a medical intern studying to be a brain surgeon. I'm not married yet, but am dating quite a bit. Being voted the bachelor of the year helped with that. Well I don't want to keep you from your thriving career as a glorified mailman. Have a great life Mr. and Mrs. Strife, you can follow what I'm up to in the news. What a beautiful boy; he looks just like his father" Sephiroth declared giving them a smile and leaving.


End file.
